The Art of Moving On and Finding Love

I’ve been through depression last 2015. Though I didn’t go through any clinical check-up by a doctor yet I know for sure that I have the gloomy bug.

It started out with a certain goodbye leading to a fear of giving too much. Of finding comfort in another human’s presence. Of getting lost after your own life got intertwined with theirs.

I was a hopeless romantic back then, pure of the idea that sometimes, the relationship breaks you down and thinking that being in one is getting all those butterflies in your tummy.

However, nowadays, some do they take it for granted that even couples who have tied up the knot go through a series of fight that leads to a divorce.

And like anybody who has gone through this state of downfall, it caused me anxieties. Fear of facing tomorrow and making life decisions, forgetfulness to cover up one’s loss, frequent mood swings and lack of self-care.

It lasted for a year, and so all these sentiments had to drag me down. Believe me! I’ve tried drinking alcohol too, but it won’t help you at all and finding a “friend with benefits” is a big no!

Every day I would try harder to smile and think positively to pick up myself. Slowly did I noticed that I got myself smiling back. Until one day, I woke up feeling fine.

However, I know for sure not everyone can be that brave to face a day with positivity when you’re under melancholia. It was not easy for me too at the start, mainly that I work in a stressful environment. However, we got no choice but to let go of what’s holding us back to walk to the path where our life leads us to.

It first starts with acceptance.

Nothing can be instantly healed. It takes time to do so. First, consider yourself lucky that it didn’t work out before you two got married. Think of the positive outcome this turning point has given you— the possibility of getting a bigger fish.

One big step to do that is to follow this list which my younger sister wrote down:

  1. Don’t push yourself to move on. The more you do it, the more you would want him to notice you struggling.
  2. Delete all items you have with/of him. Especially his pictures and conversations on your phone.
  3. Block his social media accounts so that you can’t stalk him anymore.
  4. Make other meanings of the distinctive things you have for him. You can’t avoid things which would remind you of him. The things he like, the places you have been to or the songs you sang together. Make other meanings out of it. Make sure the next time you meet these things you won’t end up hurting.
  5. Don’t reminisce the past. Remind yourself that life would be much better without him.
Next, learn to have your own space.

Value what you have right now. If you lost something you thought was best for you, it was never meant to stay. Heaven is preparing you for a better best. There’s always a reason for everything that happens so find positivity in everything that’s happening in your life right now because everyone has a different story to tell. Maybe your path is not for having an early settlement. Maybe God wants you to enjoy what you have and what you want to accomplish by yourself, not with somebody.

To continue the list,

  1. Enjoy other’s company. Eat with your good old friends. Meet new people and hang out with like-minded people.
  2. Never sleep late, or you’ll end up crying until you sleep. Be busy and end the day with no energy to think of stupid things.
  3. Be yourself. Do all the things you missed doing.
Lastly, you need to start with yourself.

Love yourself. Don’t stoop down and think of getting back. Remember, you should be the one who got away. Never settle for less. Raise your self-awareness and don’t doubt yourself nor your decisions. Run wild with life but slow down when you need to. Never forget to pause and reflect from your mistakes. Talk to your heart and discover what it wants to achieve.

To end the list,

  1. Never ask “what if” and “why” questions. Don’t ask why he didn’t choose you, or what’s wrong with you.
  2. Appreciate yourself, and you would know you’re not fit to hurt this much.
13015528_1297645780250245_30171047159465164_n.jpg
To cry out the pain of being left behind. To walk away from what’s hurting you.
And if by any chance you fall in love again, never assume, expect nor demand. Just make things fall naturally.

When you’re in love, never think of what’s next or where the road will lead you. Enjoy and be grateful for the blessings you got.

Learn to trust again, but at the same time know that you need to prioritize and grasp your own welfare while giving out your best in your new found love cause you can never tell how other people react to your action, no matter how much you know them.

Never compare your past with what you have on the present. As F. Scott Fitzgerald says, “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.”

And I urge you to be with somebody who’s mature enough to understand that we need to grow and stand up through starting it on our own by gaining self-respect and being conscious of our own worth.

Because being in a relationship isn’t all about doing things together.

It will be hard at first, knowing that both have differences. But that’s how a relationship goes— two people with a lot of flaws taking the risk for a slightest chance to bring out the best of each other.

 

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46 Comments Add yours

  1. This is beautiful and exactly what I needed to read today. I had my heart shattered a few months ago by my first love and am still picking up the pieces. The advice that you listed is so spot on, even though I struggle to stay true to it some of the time. I hope that your heart, as well as mine, continues to mend and prepare itself for new and better adventures.
    Cheers!
    Kat xoxox

    Liked by 3 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Thanks Kat! Glad to hear you like the post.

      I feel you. I am struggling not to fall easily with words and pity actions which is normal for a girl. But I know for sure we’re strong enough to overcome the changes. So far I’m doing good and have been traveling with great companions. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’ll be more than glad to lend my ears!

      Much love from the Philippines,
      Charmaigne

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Kat says:

    It’s difficult for me to read articles like this because it’s too real. My first relationship lasted years, and I was terribly sad after it ended. The day I started to move on was when I realized I didn’t love myself enough, that I loved another person and had forgotten that I need love as well. I did the things you didn’t do – partying and going to bars, hanging out with friends until past midnight. We all have different ways of moving on. I’m happy you’ve found yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      No matter what way we does to move on is fine. Our soul has indeed different ways of healing and I think I’ll do the same thing if I was on your shoes specifically when that relationship was too surreal enough to change my whole life for years.

      Like

  3. I am so speechless. Everything is so damn right! You moved me girl!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Thanks girl! Appreciate it. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

      Like

  4. inmyownatlas says:

    Asawa, I really like your honesty here. When I get broken or something, this will be my go-to post. Love the last line gyud! stay in love!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Hahaha. Thanks asawa! I missed blogging. I miss being authentic. See you tom!

      Like

  5. theinnocentlamb says:

    It’s very tough to let go of the person whom you deeply love, but sometimes, we are left with no choice.. Sigh. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. I felt your sincerity in every word. Keep spreading the love!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Exactly! Recently remembered the feels after watching Me Before You but I’m fine now. Appreciate your time to read my post! ❤

      Like

      1. theinnocentlamb says:

        You might want to read this.. http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/why-message-me-you-so-dangerous Not to ruin your feels after the movie, but it’s something you can ponder upon. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        1. charmaignenavaja says:

          Well the post does have a point but I’m looking at the idea of love without being given a happy ending. Sometimes love isn’t about growing old together but its about the time you spent together without worrying about what’s ahead of us. Have you read All The Bright Places?

          Like

      2. theinnocentlamb says:

        No, I haven’t. I’m actually not fond of reading love stories. Haha

        Liked by 1 person

        1. charmaignenavaja says:

          It’s about life, though it has a love story but it’s funny!

          Like

  6. theinnocentlamb says:

    It’s very tough to let go of a person whom you deeply love, but sometimes, we are left with no choice.. Sigh. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. I felt your sincerity in every word. Keep spreading the love!

    Like

  7. Never apologize to LOVE yourself,loving yourself isn’t selfish at all. Always know your worth and your value as a woman. I’ve been through a lot of broken hills and crazy roadblocks when an ex-husband decided to abandoned me, and though we have different stories, I should also share to all the women out there who have the same sentiments or same situation at present, that you should be able to know on HOW TO EMBRACE the PAIN that you have right now, let it fill you as a person, cry as much as you can, be angry as much as you want, just embrace it.. let it flow.. do it slowly.. do it gently.. but do it the way what your heart would want to do and what your brain would want to choose. When you let all of these OUT! you will be a princess that blossomed from a fantastic paradise, by then, you will be able to know how beautiful life is… and how you should LOVE yourself the way it should it.

    These things you mentioned here are all true, it may be the hardest, but it will set you to the brighter YOU. Thanks for sharing this, I know there are a lot of women who needs this.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Thanks Ferna! I tried to do all of that but I was so numb back then. The only thing I did was to embrace the pain until it went away. It did gave me the greatest lesson I could learn in life, to love myself first. ❤

      Like

  8. niksmendoza says:

    growing up is hard but that’s how we get to know ourselves. i hope you’re feeling better and keep on feeling better. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      I am now! It made me the better person I am currently. But I know for sure there should be more obstacles coming in the future and I should be tough enough to enjoy the bumpy ride of life. ❤ BTW, thanks for reading the post.

      Like

  9. Love your candid shots! Good read 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Thank you.

      Like

  10. Awww! Love will always find its way to where it really belongs! ❤ How inspiring is this! ❤ Love love love!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Maria Adriano says:

    Beautifully written, we all have our fair share of ups and downs, you just gotta find what you need to bring yourself up. All up to you. Take as much time as you need, as much alcohol, as much KMs traveled. All up to you. 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Thank you! And yeah, I did all travels to let go of my usual routines. 💖

      Like

  12. Aw, the world will conspire and everything always gets better after a storm! Beautifully written post dear. Also, love comes in different ways. You just really need to know how to identify them!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Thanks! So far I’m trying to decipher each of them but love speaks in a purely complicated language (for me).

      Like

  13. Marge Gavan says:

    I love this list especially the not stalking part. To be honest, I am appalled by people who would stalk their exes on social media, I mean what good would it do? I am thankful that my pride is too big to do that and also I am not a masochist.

    Mending a broken heart is one if not the hardest thing to do in life. But I take comfort in knowing that it is doable. Hearts do mend in time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      I’d totally agree. I hate pitiful status too, telling people that “Nobody loves me”. God! Get a life. HAHAHA (humuhugot)

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Such an inspiring post. I remembered Sarah and Phil Kaye’s poetry on “What Love is” because of your entry. I love how you tried your best to encourage yourself as well as others the art of letting go and accepting oneself in the process. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Appreciate the compliment! It took me awhile to organize my thoughts and slowly let go of the idea that being in love to an opposite sex is the only source of happiness.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Yrwin Denzel says:

    I have been heart broken several times and this post affected me. Since then, I have learned to love myself before loving others. So that later on I could give love back.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Exactly! That’s the thing people forget to learn. 😦 Have you watched How to Be Single?

      Like

  16. Erwin Who says:

    At first, I feel you. The struggle to pick ourselves up after break ups. You sorta gave an advice; by just smiling most of the time, it affects our attitude to become fine. Im sorry to hear about the break up though, I hope love find its way again to you with the right person at the right time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Thanks! Actually found someone worth the wait but we’re taking a pause.

      Like

  17. hellorelyn says:

    To be left by my first love was heartbreaking for the 16-year old me. But looking back, I am proud of myself for surviving! Well, we win some we lose some, right? 🙂 Thanks for sharing. This is a big help for people moving on.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Thank you! Proud that we’ve move forward and didn’t let the past make us a coward.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Powerful post. I love the part where you said to never stoop down to get them back. To remembet that, you should be the one that got away. I wish I could have read this sooner. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. charmaignenavaja says:

      Oh thanks Christian. I’m pretty sure you’ll love yourself more after you’ve read this. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Thank you for posting this!! I’m going through a heart break right now and reading this helped. Your advice is great, I’ve done some already and others like thinking of the past and the future of what could’ve been I still need to work on. I’m also working on the “why” and “what ifs” but one day at a time I will get there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Charmaigne says:

      I’m happy that this post helped you a lot. Actually, I needed a re-read on this. Going through the same thing but that’s life, all about gambling as long as you know who’s worthy of the risk. No pressure! Just start loving yourself and you’ll really appreciate life. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  20. William J. Winn says:

    Love happens when you least expect it & You don’t get to plan it! Be thankful/grateful You got to experience it…because a lot of people don’t. Cherish it, because in the blink of an eye it might/could just be a memory!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Charmaigne says:

      Thank you William! For the past few months, I think I’m slowly understanding when they say “Let him/her go if you love him/her.” Love is simply being selfless.

      Like

      1. Aloha Charmaigne, hope this finds You well, healthy & happy! I am off to Peru [Machu Picchu, Rainbow Mountain, the High Desert in Peru & The Amazon! Yippee-Ki-Yay! If I can make it work there is also a 7 day white water rafting trip down the Futa river in Patagonia, I am trying to make work.

        Just a short note to kinda check up on You, to make sure you are living again [not surviving]. It’s been my experience [with love], that letting go is a lot easier said than done. Here’s what I do know…the sun will come up tomorrow, the world will continue to spin & I/you will feel just a little better. I don’t know if people are suppose to be together forever

        [My Mother and Father starting dating when they were 15 yrs of age & were married for 65 yrs]. My Ex wife gave me 13 amazing yrs, she is a wonderful person and I am a better person because she is/was in my life. We still speak every couple of wks…

        I will be heading to P.I. with-in the next year, so maybe one day We can continue this conversation over a cup of coffee.

        Best Always
        Bill

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Charmaigne says:

          Aloha! Great to know that, I hope you enjoy your vacation and let’s see by then! 😬

          Like

  21. William Winn says:

    Mahalo Young Lady, an adventure has always been a great way [for me] to get out of self! Lol! You Be Safe Out There Charmaigne! Best Always=Bill

    Like

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