I’ve been through depression last 2015. Though I didn’t go through any clinical check-up by a doctor yet I know for sure that I have the gloomy bug.
It started out with a certain goodbye leading to a fear of giving too much. Of finding comfort in another human’s presence. Of getting lost after your own life got intertwined with theirs.
I was a hopeless romantic back then, pure of the idea that sometimes, the relationship breaks you down and thinking that being in one is getting all those butterflies in your tummy.
However, nowadays, some do they take it for granted that even couples who have tied up the knot go through a series of fight that leads to a divorce.
And like anybody who has gone through this state of downfall, it caused me anxieties. Fear of facing tomorrow and making life decisions, forgetfulness to cover up one’s loss, frequent mood swings and lack of self-care.
It lasted for a year, and so all these sentiments had to drag me down. Believe me! I’ve tried drinking alcohol too, but it won’t help you at all and finding a “friend with benefits” is a big no!
Every day I would try harder to smile and think positively to pick up myself. Slowly did I noticed that I got myself smiling back. Until one day, I woke up feeling fine.
However, I know for sure not everyone can be that brave to face a day with positivity when you’re under melancholia. It was not easy for me too at the start, mainly that I work in a stressful environment. However, we got no choice but to let go of what’s holding us back to walk to the path where our life leads us to.
It first starts with acceptance.
Nothing can be instantly healed. It takes time to do so. First, consider yourself lucky that it didn’t work out before you two got married. Think of the positive outcome this turning point has given you— the possibility of getting a bigger fish.
One big step to do that is to follow this list which my younger sister wrote down:
- Don’t push yourself to move on. The more you do it, the more you would want him to notice you struggling.
- Delete all items you have with/of him. Especially his pictures and conversations on your phone.
- Block his social media accounts so that you can’t stalk him anymore.
- Make other meanings of the distinctive things you have for him. You can’t avoid things which would remind you of him. The things he like, the places you have been to or the songs you sang together. Make other meanings out of it. Make sure the next time you meet these things you won’t end up hurting.
- Don’t reminisce the past. Remind yourself that life would be much better without him.
Next, learn to have your own space.
Value what you have right now. If you lost something you thought was best for you, it was never meant to stay. Heaven is preparing you for a better best. There’s always a reason for everything that happens so find positivity in everything that’s happening in your life right now because everyone has a different story to tell. Maybe your path is not for having an early settlement. Maybe God wants you to enjoy what you have and what you want to accomplish by yourself, not with somebody.
To continue the list,
- Enjoy other’s company. Eat with your good old friends. Meet new people and hang out with like-minded people.
- Never sleep late, or you’ll end up crying until you sleep. Be busy and end the day with no energy to think of stupid things.
- Be yourself. Do all the things you missed doing.
Lastly, you need to start with yourself.
Love yourself. Don’t stoop down and think of getting back. Remember, you should be the one who got away. Never settle for less. Raise your self-awareness and don’t doubt yourself nor your decisions. Run wild with life but slow down when you need to. Never forget to pause and reflect from your mistakes. Talk to your heart and discover what it wants to achieve.
To end the list,
- Never ask “what if” and “why” questions. Don’t ask why he didn’t choose you, or what’s wrong with you.
- Appreciate yourself, and you would know you’re not fit to hurt this much.
And if by any chance you fall in love again, never assume, expect nor demand. Just make things fall naturally.
When you’re in love, never think of what’s next or where the road will lead you. Enjoy and be grateful for the blessings you got.
Learn to trust again, but at the same time know that you need to prioritize and grasp your own welfare while giving out your best in your new found love cause you can never tell how other people react to your action, no matter how much you know them.
Never compare your past with what you have on the present. As F. Scott Fitzgerald says, “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.”
And I urge you to be with somebody who’s mature enough to understand that we need to grow and stand up through starting it on our own by gaining self-respect and being conscious of our own worth.
Because being in a relationship isn’t all about doing things together.
It will be hard at first, knowing that both have differences. But that’s how a relationship goes— two people with a lot of flaws taking the risk for a slightest chance to bring out the best of each other.